My underwear smells like fireworks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
