My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
