We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
