Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
