Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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