I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
