Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
