Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
