I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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