I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
