So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
