I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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