they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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