woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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