I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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