I like to think it a success when the cops are called
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
