I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
