Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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