I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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