My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
