bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
