I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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