Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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