My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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