I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
