I murdered the dance floor call the cops
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
