He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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