She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
