Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
