Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
