Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
