Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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