Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
