ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Even my vagina gasped.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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