my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
