tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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