And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
