just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
