my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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