I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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