and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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