just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
