I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
