White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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