I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
