Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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