i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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