Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
