he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So vagazzling was a success
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