its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
