just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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