My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
